i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
