I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
