even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
