batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
there is glitter all over my balls
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