I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
