Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
