She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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