The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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