Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Congratulations! We have a period
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