i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
