Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize