I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
