it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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