She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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