her vagine was all disorganized.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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