fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
