You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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