I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
