You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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