my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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