Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
