sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
