My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
