Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
