So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
