yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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