Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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