I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize