if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize