My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
