I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
