apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
