nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish my penis had an off switch
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize