Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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