Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
