I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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