Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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