she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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