the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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