This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
