So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
