I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
