Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
