I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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