apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
