walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
