your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
