what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
