Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
