How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mom said you looked used
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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