That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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