this beer tastes like vomit already
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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