I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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