bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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