hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
