I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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