i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
