i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
