Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
