I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
