No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
