He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
