At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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