True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
