I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
